Wednesday, July 1, 2009

In the Event of a Zombie Attack... Get Lost in the Forest of Hands and Teeth

There's a theme to my life lately, and it seems to be about Zombies.

1. Sam gave me this t-shirt for our anniversary.

"In the event of a Zombie Attack, remember to sever the head."

2. Sam also gave me a Kindle, and the first book I downloaded was The Forest of Hands and Teeth.

Anyone read it? It's a post-apocalyptic zombie romance. Music to my ear. Just the left one.Anyway, the book and the Kindle sucked me in like a fat kid in Wonka's chocolate river.

I showed the Kindle to everyone and bragged about how the screen looks exactly like a book page. Like I invented it or something.
This is how I hold it when I read it.

One little bratty kid said, "That's a lot of money to spend on a computer that's designed to look like a piece of paper."

To which I replied, "You are obviously not open to the Wonka magic. Haven't you ever been sucked up a chocolate drain?"

He shook his head.

Me: "And you never will."

Him: "Ooooh, I'm so scaaaaared."

Me: "Of
not getting sucked up a chocolate drain?"

Him: "Is that a threat?"

Me: "Ummm... Who's on First?"

Lesson learned: never get into a fight of the wits with an eight year old.

3. In non-zombie news...

BeDazzle Me
There's just one down side to doing all my clothes shopping at Costco; the fashion there is hit and miss and I'm not hip enough to know the difference.
Costco: the Fashion Capitol of Brodi's World

So, you know how like five years ago, people started wearing old school print tee shirts? Did they? I don't know. Maybe. Anyway, in my effort to de-black my wardrobe, I bought a yellow tee shirt with some sort of design on the front.

It wasn't until I stepped outside that I realized I glittered like Edward at the beach. The shirt had a million little rhinestones on it. Then I remembered that the last time I even heard the word "rhinestone" was in the 80's, usually in reference to country music, and so this couldn't be good.

To make matters worse, my younger son B has excema, and all day yesterday he would follow me around, rubbing up against my shirt. To itch his scratch. Especially on his head. Every time he walked away, there'd be a little pile of dead skin on the floor.

On top of it all, the rhinestones are in the shape of a giant bird, flapping it's wings. When I put it on, it looked like a blind bald eagle flew head first into my chest, and upon collision instantly turned sparkly as he gave up the ghost.

See what happens when you try to de-black your wardrobe? You end up with a national emblem, looking like he's hanging onto your funbags for dear life.

Today is my writing marathon, and I plan to write 2 billion words. What are y'all doin' for the fourth? I think I shall take Friday off from blogging, because Kid B needs to be potty trained. There's no better way to celebrate the birth of our country than to cover it in pee. So, you're all off the hook. Unless you have any good potty training advice.

To end with the zombie theme, enjoy the following Plants vs. Zombies music video. Give it a few tries. It will grow on you. Like a fungus. Of course, I was on Nyquill when I watched it.


  1. i quit reading after the words "kindle"....

    one word: jealous?

    next four: do you love it?


  2. Dorien- I absolutely love love love it. It's going to be a great time suck.

  3. Yep, have a pee drenched 4th of July.

    You are also very stylish. Seriously. Yes, it is mainly black but you look great in black so its cool.

    The Kindle and Zombies rock!

  4. Kindle? Don't you miss the new book smell? Do you even get a picture of what the cover looks like?

    Maybe I haven't had enough coffee (what little I'm allowed now) but I loved Plants vs. Zombies. It was quite delightful!

    Don't let the shirt purchase get you down. Again, I love black, but I have discovered that I can handle non-black clothes as long as they don't have people's faces on them or really outrageous and obnoxious patterns/color combinations. Good luck! You could wear your magical-roadkill-bald-eagle shirt in honor of a pee drenched Fourth of's the right color! =)

    Enjoy your Friday off blogging and hope you have a wonderful three-day weekend. I think my hubby has to work, so I will be celebrating by reading. =)

  5. I so want a Kindle. I almost got one for my birthday, but alas, it was too expensive at the time. I shall get one some day, though! ;) Congratulations on yours! Is it the Kindle II or the first one?

    Also, you are hilarious! Do you take anti-psychotic meds because I think you have to be crazy to write like you do. You can't make the stuff up that you do, seriously. At least, without help.

  6. Una- what are you reading? Anything good? And yes, I do miss the new book smell.

    Jenni- um... Thanks? Or is that not a compliment?

  7. I would think it's a compliment, being "normal" is boring. Course, what is normal anyway?

    I'm reading "The Thread that Binds the Bones" by Nina Kiriki Hoffman. She is an author a friend of mine introduced me to (not in real life, just book-wise). The first book I read was called "Spirits that Walk in Shadow". I'm not sure if she is YA or adult but I thoroughly enjoy her works. Very different, very imaginative worlds she creates (her novella "Catalyst" is a good example).

    I'm also rereading currently "Visions of Heat" by Nalini Singh. I'm trying to reread all her books in the Psy-Changling series since her new book for this series comes out July 7th.

    It's odd but I am actually reading two books. One while at work (we are a tad slow) and one at home.

  8. Una- those books sound good. I'll have to check them out! Is the protagonist of "The Thread" book a teenager? sometimes that alone determines if it's YA or not. Of course, the themes in the book do as well...

    Jenni- Actually, that is one of my favorite compliments I've gotten on this blog so far. Thanks!

  9. As I am reading "The thread..." the main characters are older. Again she deals in some heavy issues but they are not graphic so it could go either way.

    "A Stir of Bones" has children as the main characters and though it can be scary and deal with a tough topic (suicide) I think it is YA.

    I am by no means an expert in literature (just an fan) but I would love to have you read one of them and let me know what you think.

    Her books that I have read:
    "A Stir of Bones"
    "Spirits that Walk in Shadow"
    "A Fistful of Sky"
    "Fall of Light"

    Now it is confusing but "Fistful of Sky" and "Fall of Light" are in the same world, read "Fistful of Sky" first.

    I think I have found that "Spirits that Walk In Shadow" is actually the third novel in a world she created, the first book being "The Thread that Binds the Bones" and the second is "The Silent Strength of Stones". But even though they are in the same world, it may not be required to read them in order... As I am catching up, I can let you know if you are interested.

    Sorry for the long post!

  10. I was laughing so stinking hard at your national emblem hanging on to your funbags that my hubby came over to see what the fuss was about. You got him laughing too.

    Good luck with potty training. I just did that two weeks ago with my middle one and it's so fantastic. I dont have any words of wisdom because quite frankly I waited for a long time to start.

  11. Una- I love your posts! I will definitely have to check them out. We should start a book club or something.

    Debbie- Yeah, the "funbags" actually gave me pause. One of those "should I really click 'post' with that word in it?"

    Answer, Yep.

  12. Brodi - this is a book club of sorts isn't? You do introduce new authors to us and recommend books. I'm all for book clubs though!

  13. I love Costco! I'm with you on the fashion sense, though. I bought a pair of sweats from there and brought them home only to find out that they had the word "Pink" (or something like that) written across the bum in big cursive writing. Dave loved it, but I just don't think my 30-something-year-old bum looks good alone, let alone with some kind of writing to bring attention to it.

  14. dude Bro! that video was awesome. i have shivers!

  15. Una- I love the idea that we are a book club on my blog!

    Erin- I want a pair of sweats that has a painted muscley, totally cut butt on it. That would be cool.

    Shel- Were you medicated at the time? I need an honest opinion.

  16. I've been out of commission for a few weeks and look what I've missed!! I snort-laughed at your yellow rhinestone shirt in attempt to de-black your wardrobe. Hilarious! I never come home from Costco with the right size (for me or my kids). I spend more time returning clothes to Costco than buying them! And Sam - the perfect guy for you - to give you a zombie tee for your anniversary! And a final note - I'm sad you moved into the neighborhood post-Farrah era. What a look! Ours was the permed, lofty bang era. Remember? We were so cute.

  17. Cath! I'm just amazed you have any time at all to read, let alone comment! I've been reading your blog so much lately, loving the eloquent updates you give on those darling boys.

    As for bad hair memories, why did we have to grow up in the cement bangs era? Bad perms, bad bangs, bad lipstick. (Okay, we never really wore lipstick, did we?)

  18. So how's the potty training going? I've got to start KidA but I really don't want to do it. I offered my sister $200 to do it for me, but she just laughed. I was dead serious.

  19. See, now if I'd only started reading your blog earlier, I'd have known this!

    Cool T-shirt. Have you read Pride and Prejudice and Zombies? :)

  20. This comment is only necessary so I can check the "email follow-up comments to" box. In case you, too, like to comment on posts that are over nine months old.

  21. Robin- I haven't read P P and Z yet, but I want to. Have you? How is it?

  22. I've read the first chapter online and it was hilarious. From the first line: "It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains." to the last line: "The business of Mr. Bennett's life was to keep his daughters alive. The business of Mrs. Bennett's was to get them married." it is just fun, fun, fun. I wonder if my library has a copy... it does!

    Okay, I'll read it and let you know if the "ultraviolent mayhem" gets at all old. :)

  23. Okay--read PPZ and am here to report. It's pretty much as you would expect. It could be more, it could be less, it uses cheap, juvenile tricks to change parts that were just fine in the original (lots of vomit inserted randomly), and the zombies have very little to do with the main plot. They aren't an obstacle to the basic story--just a frequent side note. An occasional diversion. The characters fight over whether it is better to be trained in China or Japan in the "killing arts" but other than that, it's just backgroud to the regular story.

    I did like that the Bennet girls, Mr. Darcy, and his illustrious aunt are all famous for their skills in zombie slaying (especially the aunt). The pentagram of death was very fun, and I enjoyed many of the battles against the zombies, even though, of course, some of my favorite characters had to be changed to become a lot more bloodthirsty and ruthlessly unfeeling than they were before.

    As I read the story, I kept reading both for the familiar love story and to see how it had been altered. Both were a bit "eh."

    My favorite part was the discussion questions at the end: #10: "Some scholars believe that the zombies were a last-minute addition to the novel, requested by the publisher in a shameless attempt to boost sales. Others argue that the hordes of living dead are integral to Jane Austen's plot and social commentary. What do you think? Can you imagine what the novel might be like without the violent zombit mayhem?"

    I think it's worth reading for the experience, but if I get a hankering for some Darcy in the future, I'll be skipping the zombies. :)

  24. Robin- Thanks for the review! See, that's why I've been avoiding the book. Because I love the original so much, that I'd almost want to reach for P&P instead of PPZ.

    I will try it out one of these days...