Wednesday, March 3, 2010

I Warned Her Not To Leave Her Kid with Me, But Did She Listen? No...

Okay, so it looks like most of you approve of the new blog colors, or maybe you're just being nice. Or maybe those of you who hate the new colors just didn't say anything...

I think the new colors are a little girly, and a smidge on the confectionary side, but they don't make me itch. Yet.

Anywho, I was reading over my post from Monday, and I realized that I put the same picture in twice. I don't know why I did this, and furthermore, I don't know why I didn't notice. I had like 85 pictures to choose from, most of higher quality than the one I actually posted (twice). Maybe I liked how everyone looked a little orange. Here it is again, in all it's glory.

Oh well. Also, I realized that some of you are into the blogging/authoring scene in and around Utah, and yet didn't hear about the blogger/author event. Everyone is invited to these things, so if you're into that sorta scene (which makes it sound like it's a party scene, like a rave, where we all walk around with pacifiers in our mouths, but it's not... It's like the opposite of a rave... In fact, it's downright geeky) then let Natasha Maw over at Maw Books Blog know.

Natasha's like the social director of the book blogger scene. She hands out the pacifiers. She's really nice and not intimidating at all, even if she is married to a One-Eyed Sword-Wielding Duke.
 (Okay, so they look a little intimidating in this pic I stole from her blog, but I read the post and she assured readers they didn't kill anyone)

You know how it is when you're not in Kid Mode...

So, Cousin W was in from back east, and our cousin group decided to meet up at the Dinosaur museum. Everyone brought kids except me, because the dinosaur museum stresses me out enough without kids and I wanted the chance to catch up with Cousin W.
(Cousin K, Cousin A with her two kids, me, and Cousin W)

At one point, Cousin A had to go meet Cousin K in the lobby, so she's all, "Brodi, watch my kids while I go get Cousin K."

I'm all: "Um, No! I'm not in kid mode! That part of the brain has shut down! It's not a good idea!"

But Cousin A had already run out of the Bone room, leaving me with her two small kids. (The room with the dinosaur bones.) Oh well, I figured. What's the worst that could happen?

I snatched up her littlest kid and then picked up my conversation with Cousin W. A few minutes later, I turned to check on the older kid, Jackson. (Maybe four years old?)

He was gone. Like, gone, gone.

The Dinosaur Museum is huge, with lots of twists and turns. We happened to be in the "Nook and Cranny" room (which, if you're gonna lose a kid, you don't want to do it in the nook and cranny room) so I hurried and checked all of the nooks and crannies. No Jackson.

I started running, following the switchbacks of the pathway, all the while yelling out "Jackson!"

You know how you can recognize your own kid from behind, but when it comes to someone else's kid, they all look the same from behind? I'm not alone on this, right?

Well, the museum was extra crowded that day, and there were hundreds of kids Jackson's height (2 and a half, three feet) and they all had Jackson's hair cut. So not only was I yelling his name, I was yanking random kids and jerking them around to see their faces.

Yeah, this is the point where other adults start yelling at me, and I'm all, "Shut up! How am I supposed to know what the missing kid looks like from behind?"

And their expressions said, "You don't know your own kid?"

And I'm all, "He's not my kid!" And the other kid I'm holding in my arms is screaming at me, saying, "You're not my Mommy! I want my Mommy!"

And their smug faces said, "Security!"

Finally, Cousin A found us. Jackson was with her. He'd gone out of the museum part into the lobby to find his mom.
(Here he is, plotting his next great escape, and then on to world destruction)

I gave him a good scolding, and promptly blamed his disappearance on a history of bad parenting. Just kidding. it was totally my fault, Cousin A.

But I did warn her, that part of my brain was under construction. Y'all know what I mean, right?


  1. Oh man! I know what you mean about

    A) not being in kid mode
    B) that dino museum stresses me out too- like crazy stress.

    I didn't get to comment last time on how I like the new colors- I like them lots. The last one there were these swirls that would sometimes over the type. It made me itch too but I dig this one!

  2. Very funny story. How therapeutic to read it from the comfort of my own home and know that it wasn’t me causing all the chaos, not that *I’ve* ever lost a kid.

    I use a hat metaphor to describe what mode my brain is in. There’s the Daddy hat, the Mr. Bus hat, and the Business hat. I have tried conducting business while the Daddy hat is on. It’s not pretty. I can manage to get the Daddy hat off long enough to dial a business number, but never manage to get the Business hat quite on all the way because the Daddy hat keeps leaping back onto my head in the form of interrupting children.

    My last author event was ruined (sorry, Leprechaun) by bringing my daughter along. I was so busy swapping hats I never felt like I was truly engaged in either activity.

    Enough writing about hats. I have a writer’s hat to don.

  3. Olivia- Glad to know I'm not the only one who itched and scratched with the last one.

    Douglas- My problem is I switch hats and then completely forget I ever even owned a Mommy hat.

  4. Ha! You have such a way of explaining the most innocent situations. Not that losing your cousin's kid is innocent or anything, but you know what I mean. Maybe.

  5. That happened to us at the airport recently. My little niece went missing for about 3 minutes but security and everyone was all over it in seconds. I was glad not to be the one supposed to be in "kid mode" because I basically got to watch all the excitement while I clung to my own kids.

  6. Totally crazy for your cousin to leave her kid with you. What was she thinking? I have to say that I am just impressed he was found. Well done. Even though you didn't really find him.

    On another note--you know where our kids are right now, don't you?

  7. I only lose my own kids. Watching other people's kids makes me a bit more paranoid. :) (Not that I wouldn't have lost the bad little boy who didn't stay where he was supposed to be! Who can watch that?) :P

    Once I lost my 1-yr-old in the law library. He managed to make it into the elevator and up to the second floor--pushing his own stroller, mind you--before I found him, happily using the computer to research ways to divorce his parents for neglect.

    I think my mommy hat is defective.

  8. I've never lost a kid, but I remember how weird it is when you’re little and you lose your mom. You’re following you mom around that store and when you go to grab her hand you realize that the woman isn't your mom. There doesn't even have to be much of a resemblance to get your mom confused with another woman. They both just have to be taller than you.

  9. I completely understand! However, now that I have a child of mine own, I fear retribution. When I was little, my mother could never keep an eye on me. I was really good at playing hide and seek with my mom in stores, whether she knew we were playing or not (usually not). What I loved was hiding, nearby, and waiting to show right before she lost it and starts screaming for me.

    The few times I've been entrusted with others children, I've never lost them. Being that I was so good at losing my parents, I know the tricks and was good at keeping track of them. But now I have my own, we'll see if he develops new skills that thwart me.

  10. Jenni- It was totally innocent! At least on my part. I can't speak to Jackson's innocence...

    L.T.- I'm not sure which would feel worse. Losing my own kid, or being responsible for losing someone else's. I've done both! Next time, I hope to be just watching the entertainment from the sidelines like you were.

    Robin- "researching ways to divorce parents" ha ha! Yes, the Mommy Hat does not come with the money-back guarantee.

    Becky- So true. When you're little, every tall person looks the same. I've totally grabbed a stranger's hand. At Lagoon once. I was mortified.

    Una- the problem with babies is they learn to walk before they learn logic and reasoning skills. It's really annoying. My mom was so excited for me to have my own kids. I could see it in her eyes that day at the hospital, she was all, "Retribution at last!" Or maybe she was saying, "Did I leave the oven on?"

  11. I never chimed in on the background but I approve also. :)

    This would so happen to me. I'm not great with my own kids out in crowded areas. ESPECIALLY when I'm visiting with friends. Thats why if I ever go hang out with friends I opt for times I can get a babysitter or leave them home. I dont do play dates well because I always loose focus. At least you warned her. I'd probably forget even that. :)

  12. Museums and play grounds. Those are the worst! I am 100% with Debbie on zoning out while I chat. And my kids are quite fast! I've managed to lose them in about 3 seconds flat... then had to spend 5 minutes on the finding end. That always gets your blood pumping! The best was when my son was 4. We were in a Super Wal-Mart ...horrible place for little boys. I was looking at baby food in the very back of the store. I didn't move. Boy was distracted and walked 3 steps away. I could still see him, but he didn't see me and panicked. He started sprinting the whole length of the store shouting for me. I helplessly ran after him (with shopping cart and baby) shouting for him to stop. I finally caught up to him around the frozen food in the very front of the store! Whew, what a sprint!

  13. I had no idea there was a switch for kid mode. "On" and "Off" huh? Can you help me find that button?

    As for the story - I can see it playing out perfectly. So funny. Glad Jackson was found unharmed and happy!

  14. Debbie- I'm the same way. When we plan playgroup, I leave my kids at home!

    Shauna- That is a funny picture. Your kid running round, frantically, and you chasing him, telling him he's not lost. Scary for him, but a funny image in my head!

    Cath- You shouldn't use the On/Off button. One moment in the "off" mode in your house could be devastating.

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  16. Sal- I confess to using those child-leashes at disneyland, naysayers be darned to heck.

  17. Youre funny, Brodi. And I hate mean people who make me feel like crap when I already feel like crap.

  18. Ann Dee- I think you're on to something. That should be a bumper sticker. Thanks for reading!