Wednesday, March 10, 2010

My Heart Grew Three Sizes, so I Wrote a Poem Just for You. Yes, YOU! And More Free Books... And Winners.

I have a present for y'all today, but first... Housekeeping.

1. Winner from Friday:
And the winner of the signed copy of Loser's Guide to Life and Love, picked by a random number generator:

L.T. Elliot

Please email me your address. (My email addy is in sidebar).

2. Wanna earn another free book?

I've told you before how much I love love the Writing and Illustrating for Young Readers Workshop. (WIFYR).  I know first hand of people who found their agents or sold their books at this conference.

This year, the conference will be held in Sandy, Utah at the Waterford School. (Instead of BYU. I think the change in venue has caused some confusion.)

Here's how you can win a book:
It has some great instructors, including my own writer peep Emily Wing Smith.  If you can only go to one conference this year, make it this one. If you haven't signed up, do it now. Then leave me a comment, telling me you did, and you'll be entered to win a book. I'm giving away five, so your odds of winning will be spectacular. Contest is only open to those who are not already signed up.

But wait, there's more...
Writer peeps Kim and Valynne are also holding contests for free books, so check it out.

3. I dipped my hand in poetry. And it's gooey...
Okay, so last Monday, I did a guest post at Jody Sparks' blog, and her hits went through the roof (my phrase) because of you guys. And my heart was filled with love. Seriously, it grew three sizes that day.
So, I was inspired to write a poem. And I never write poems. It's an ode to you, blog reader. Love lift us up where we belong. I hope you like it.

Oh Blog Readers:

How do I love thee?
Let me count the ways.
Starting with those rare
35+ comment days

I know people don’t think
Their comments are noticed
Oh crap, did I really
just force a rhyme with ‘noticed’?

I read all the comments
And I love every one
From the longest opus
To the lamest pun

There’s always been us.

You put up with my obsessions
With Rafa, Boobies and The Six
And my slightly weird fixation
With zombies and sci-fi flicks

To things that must go
With quick of wit,
You keep me in the know

You’re aware I never finished
So what if I get sidetracked…

From the posts that cause me
Remembers my name,

And a hairless cat,
who looks like the spawn of Satan
Drawing names out of a hat

You stuck with me, commiserated,
Empathized and sympathized
And when it was called for
You even chastised.

And to those who don’t comment
I know that you’re out there
Because I see you on my stat counter
And I know where you live

Are you a little annoyed
That ‘there’ and ‘live’ don’t rhyme?
Well I can’t rhyme when I’m passionate
So maybe next time

J/K, I love all readers, but
Consider it fair warning
I harbor the hope to meet someone new
Each and every morning

And so I raise a glass,
To kindred book lovers and wannabe writers,

Here's to Diet Coke, and Mocha Honey's,
Bodily fluids and overuse of the word "y'all", 
Now Dash away, dash away, dash away all.

That's why I don't write poems,
I never know how to end it.
I guess I'll press "Save Draft" 
and click the button to send it.

Be my Valentine, blog reader.  You complete me. I see you. Or as the Na'vi say it:
Oe-l nga-ti kam‹ei›e


  1. I looked up Oe-l nga-ti kam‹ei›e on Google and discovered that there are actual discussions about Na’vi language on the internets. Soon, we’ll have people showing up to cons seeking out Na’vi lessons. That will be ok as long as the folks teaching the native Klingon aren’t involved. First of all, they’re much too short. And secondly, Na’vi isn’t spoken with as much spittle.

    I don’t think I can swing any writers conferences this year, so please enjoy WIFYR for me. I have phenomenal expenses with my first daughter going to college in two months, plus other thangs (like her taking my laptop as I promised which leaves me without one while I save up the dough) Too bad, too. Sandy is only five minutes away from me.

    Who are you taking a class from? I had really wanted to be in Wolverton’s class.

  2. I would also love to go to the Young Readers Workshop but I don't think I can swing it this year.

    But I couldn't let the brilliant poem pass without commenting on how much I love it. You're great Bordi- thanks for making me laugh each week!

  3. Bro, if you can't go to WIFYR, you should find a poetry workshop. You will get to pitch poetry editors galore. Fame is coming. I can sense it.

  4. Douglas- Of course it's an actual language. James Cameron would never do anything half-arsed. And you're right- Klingon is a more guttural language. Definitely not as pretty.
    Yes, I am a geek.

    Olivia- Who is this 'Bordi' you speak of? :) Thanks for liking the poem. I seriously am allergic to writing poetry.

    Kim- Ha ha! Don't quit my day job, right? And as for my day job (writing YA novels), don't quit my day job.

  5. Alas, I can't attend WIFYR this year, which is tragic since I grew up in Sandy and my parents still live there. Perhaps next year.

    I've actually missed your fascination with zombies, but I'm relatively new to the blog. Have you played the awesome game Plants vs Zombies?|3875|plants%20vs%20zombies||S|e|4108339308&gclid=CJyCmPTOrqACFRkcawodnUNQaA You'll thank me. Well, and curse me, since all your free time will be sucked away... along with your brains. I just have the free trial version, but am considering more....

    Can you translate my word verification for me? I think it's in Na'vi: "unghti."

  6. Hm. Looks like the link got cut off. You may have to google it.

  7. Robin- I totally blogged about that game a while back.

    See? We are kindreds! And Unghti is the na'vi word for "Islands in the stream". Weird.

  8. your poem is ALMOST as brilliant as the lyrics to barry manilows hit song MANDY!

  9. Ok not just a poem, but an uber long, meaningful, yet still oozing of Brodi-esqu laughter! (And dont laugh at my spelling k?

    I want so badly to go to the conference but since I'm only in it to meet the fellow authors I just can't justify it. Perhaps if I were writing and could actually tell hubby it'd help my career...but alas not there yet.

  10. Congratulations L.T. Elliot!

    I would love to go but there is no way I can. Brodi, I hope you give us a recap of it though. Your event recaps are always entertaining! Loved the poem, by the way! It was fun to relive great Brodi blog moments again. It reminds me of Jimmy Fallon's "Freshman15" he did in honor of his show's one year anniversary.

  11. Dorien- Barry Manilow writes lyrics too? That is so cool. I thought he just stuck to painting. I was wrong.

    Debbie- WIFYR is the place to start building. I understand the difficulty of justifying it, though. And I love your spelling.

    Una- That clip was hilarious. I shoulda done more with my poem, like put it to music and drag out the white lights.

  12. I'm going. I really am. I even blogged about it (shameless plug for my blog). But I have yet to register. Oh, tax refund, where art thou? And I want to win. So maybe, if the $ hear my brain waves beckoning and fly into my bank account in the next few days, I'll still have a chance.

  13. Thanks for the poem, Brodi. The squirrels part made me about wet myself. My couch does not thank you.

    But I thank you again for the book! Let's just hope that's not a sad observation on my real life.

  14. Did you see Zombieland? I think that's what it was called. I only watched the last 20 min with my husband, starting from the part where Bill Murray shows up as himself. Hilarious!

  15. Brodi, if you publish a book of your own poems, I would totally read it! You're the best poet ever! I loved it! I especially loved the...squirrels! So funny!

    I know Na'vi language! I love Zelda! It's my favorite game! Ode to Zelda. You're now my super BFF (not just BFF) because you like Zelda and Star Wars!

    I would absolutely love to go to the WIFYR, but I'll still be in school and not have any time to take off from work. Alas!

  16. hahaha! I loved the poem! Especially the squirrels. I think that should become the new thing that they do in Miss America contests. Instead of answering hard questions with "world peace" they should just stare at the camera and yell SQUIRRELS! It would make the whole thing a lot more enjoyable.

    If all my stars align then I may make it to the convention, but only if I can convince Debbie to come with me!

  17. Kaylie- Good for you! I'm holding you to it. If you don't sign up, I'm gonna let loose with a string of Na'vi profanities, which will sound like I'm blowing my nose, but you know what I mean.

    L.T. Sorry about your couch, but you can use your new book to cover it up!

    Nikki- I totally saw and blogged about Zombieland. I loved that movie, and I screamed like a little girl (much to the entertainment of the entire theater) when the clown appeared under the bathroom door.

    Jenni- Okay, school is a good excuse for not going to WIFYR. There's always next year. Thanks for the promotion to Super BFF.

    Kayla- Oh yes, convince Debbie! It is such a good way to meet other authors, as well as editors and agents. So worth it. And if the Miss America Pageant allowed the "Squirrels" answer, I would totally watch that show.

  18. Love the poem! I couldn't write one to save my life, and you managed to rhyme and be funny. That is why I love you!

  19. This one goes out to Brodi Ashton: "You are so beautiful to me. Can'cha see-ee-ee-ee..."

  20. Bree- I had to go to extra school to learn how rhyme and be funny and chew gum at the same time.

    Jody- "You're everything I hoped for. You're everything I need."

  21. Great job slipping bodily fluids in there. It's no mystery blood spot post, but I guess it will have to do.

  22. P.S. Brodi,
    Here is a link to a Useful? writer's block activity.

  23. Brod - my favorite rhyme: naysayers and bunny slayers. Hee Hee!

    Any poem that has the words pus, blood, boobies, slay, zombie, bunny, goldfish in it (i'm just getting started) really ought to win some kind of award!

    Kudos to you my dear poet-friend!
    You've endeared your readers forever.

  24. Cherie- I try to slip bodily fluids in all of my posts. Thanks for the link. Now I won't get any writing done. :)

    Cath- Ah man, it's embarrassing to have an actual poet read my fake poetry. Thanks for not spontaneously-combusting on the spot!

  25. Hats off to Brodi's fabulous epic poem! They'll be studying its cultural significance in high school english classes all over the country by next year! Step aside Homer! I'll be so...


    uh, yeah.

  26. Awesome poem...such good memories :) Are you going to be at the conference?? I can't wait but I am overwhelmed!

    How is the mystery coming?

  27. So you said we had to register by March 31--but I believe in always being a day late. I try to avoid being a dollar short, though. That gets embarrassing.
    I registered for WIFYR today. AND I signed up for Emily's class. If the contest is still open, that should score me TWO entries, right?
    Right? Still there?

  28. Melanie- Of course! You win! Email me your address (my email addy is in the sidebar) and I'll send you a signed book. (I'll give you some choices once you email me.)

    Way to go! You're gonna love Emily's class.