Monday, March 29, 2010

The Tivo Talks Smack

Howdy. How was all y'all's weekend?

We hooked up our Tivo to the internet this weekend, which means we were able to pull up Youtube videos on the big screen.

I couldn't believe it. Now I know how my parents felt when they saw their first Atari, and their joysticks actually made the little Pong ball move.  Like how is it possible? I push buttons on my remote, and my television thinks for itself, and grabs what I want through radio waves in the air. (Fine, I didn't get my degree in computer science.)

However, we did run into one problem: the sheer idiocy of the search screen.

You have to navigate to each letter and press enter, and it's not like the tivo is gonna give you any breaks, like the google search engine on a computer does. You want a space? You have to find it. There's no space bar in Tivo Search! And there's definitely no auto fill.


The Tivo's all, "I want each word perfect and complete before I get up off my bum and hand over what you want. I don't work for half a word. I've got a family to feed."

Literally, the Tivo said that to me.

Sam and I were settling in Saturday night, and we decided to search for the gag reel for It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

It took me twenty minutes to type the word "It's."

Sam's all, "I'm gonna go do the laundry, let me know when you're finished."

He came back just as I was erasing "gag reel" and trying to find the letters for "bloopers" instead. Because I put in "gag reel" and the Tivo was all, "I'm sorry. I do not recognize stupidity. Try it again, suckah."

Then after I typed "bloopers", the Tivo was all, "Zing! It's outtakes! Looooooo-zerrrrrrr."

It reminded me of this:

Thanks for all the well-wishes on Friday!


  1. Ha ha! I know what you mean completely. Corey and I have been watching youtube videos on our TiVo from the very beginning and the search is horrid! Luckily, the stuff I was looking for didn't have an apostrophe in it.

  2. The search screen drives my hubby crazy...I don't bother. I just give him a list and then do chores.

  3. Oh man, I love the onion & I totally remember that report. I kind of wouldn't put it past Apple to do something like that.

  4. Jenni- I know, the last thing you want to do is search for the right punctuation.

    Una- You can get a lot of housecleaning done while someone else mans the search. Maybe this will be a good thing for my house...

    Olivia- Did you see the "predictive" sentences? My favorite one is "The aardvark asked for an aardvark."

  5. Hm. I've got nothin' for that. But, I gotta hand it to you - pretending to be dumber than the Tivo in an evil plot to have Sam do the laundry for you!! Kudos!

  6. I don't have a Tivo but it sounds like a dream and a nightmare all in one. ;)

  7. Seriously, I can watch that video over and over again. It rocks.

    I did hear that they are going to be coming out with a qwerty Tivo remote. But it won't be cheap. But we will be happy.

  8. Wow, I probably won't ever use TiVo - not if it talks back like that! Scary! :)

  9. L.T.- 35% Dream, 65% Nightmare.

    Sam- Whatever the price, it's worth it. Even if it costs us our firstborn. And our second.

    Melissa- And the Tivo can be quite cheeky.

  10. What? No computer science degree. Hmmm... maybe I should take a look at this... you're right - mega dumb interface. Can't they build a keyboard into the remote like they do on cell phones? Or better - why not let your cell phone be your remote too! Mark my words, someday it will work that way.

  11. Mary- Caustic wit for a Tivo, don't you think?

    Heids- someday our phones will be able to do everything, from controlling the tv to parenting. I can't wait.

  12. I have recently discovered that I am a graven image to all electronics. Your Tivo may talk smack, mine just rolls over, shrivels and dies.
    Along that line...
    RIP Kayla's DVD player
    RIP Kayla's computer
    RIP Kayla's phone, microwave, hairdryer... the carnage goes on and on.

  13. Kayla- I killed my computer. All because I clicked on a link that said: "You look surprised, it was our lovely spy camera!"

    Yeah, I am that stupid. The virus killed my computer in a slow, painful way.